


Toying With Fate

by AlexandraO



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Fluff and Humor, Funny in real life, I Tried, Not on paper, Post-Hogwarts, Sorry if this isn't funny, Tricksters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-01 08:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18332564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandraO/pseuds/AlexandraO
Summary: Tired of Fate’s constant complaining and whining about Hermione Granger and Harry Potter’s intimate relationship — or lack thereof — Death, Chance, and Time take matters into their own hands.





	Toying With Fate

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE thanks to my beta/alpha team of The Muse of Apollo and TheLastLynx. I was close to giving up on this piece and you two helped me continue and bring it back to life. Endless love to you both! This is the prompt I chose: Harry and Hermione spend an intimate night together. When they try to write it off as a mistake, Fate decides she’s had enough of these two being so blind and stubborn. I hope you enjoy my take on it!

Looking up at the big screen in front of her, Fate groaned and slumped back into her desk chair. She had just spent the past ten years agonising over a couple that kept defying her — kept defying fate. It had taken her every trick in the book — calling in multiple favours, and perhaps even a teeny tiny bit of blackmailing — to get the couple where they were now. Which was no closer to falling in love than ever.

 

So really, she felt that it all had been a waste.

 

She gathered up the documents she had poured over for the past week and tossed them into the bin. And set them on fire. Fate watched as the faces of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were devoured by the flames, blackening until they were no longer recognisable. They had put her through hell. They were lucky it was just a piece of paper with their faces on and not anything—serious.

 

Still frustrated, she snatched a cigarette pack out of her desk drawer and pulled out several. She would need more than one. With a snap of her fingers, the first fag lit, and she sucked on it as if her life depended on it.

 

As her breathing calmed and her heartbeat normalised, she threw her legs up onto the desk and looked back up at the split screen showing Harry and Hermione at their respective jobs in the Ministry of Magic.

 

Suddenly an idea popped into her head, and she grabbed her pink corded phone and quickly dialled her sister’s number.

 

“Fate?” asked the voice from the other end.

 

Fate scoffed and rolled her eyes. “And hello to you too, Chance, my dearest sister.”

 

“You call too much. We barely say our goodbyes when you’re calling again. That hardly warrants a greeting,” Chance said.

 

“Nevermind that. Are you busy?”

 

“Usually, I’d say no. But since you called and are your delightful self, that’s a definite yes.”

 

“Come on, Chance, I was just joking… why do you always take it personally? My goodness!”

 

Fate heard her sister sigh over the phone. “What do you want, Fate?”

 

“I need help—”

 

“That,” Chance drawled, “Is obvious. What is it this time?”

 

Fate sucked on her cigarette. “You remember Harry and Hermione, right?”

 

Chance scoffed. “Of course I remember, you haven’t shut up about them for the past decade. I already feel like they’re _my_ best friends. I practically know everything about them. I could prob—”

 

“—Seriously...not necessary.” Fate paused and inhaled. “Anyway, Harry and Hermione are denying their feelings again. I am out of ideas. And since you are such a wonderful and bright and beautiful sister, I thought you might have an angle.”

 

Chance chuckled lightly. “Hmmm. Why don’t you try pushing them into bed together? Maybe they’ll realise their feelings after a good shag?”

 

Fate almost swallowed the cigarette that was dangling from the corner of her mouth. “That might just work! It’s dangerous and morally questionable and probably not even the soundest approach, but at this point, I’ll take anything! You’re the best, Chancy!”

 

With a wide grin, Fate smashed the phone onto the receiver, not giving Chance a chance to respond. She danced around her lair in celebration for a good while before settling down in front of her large computer screen to get to work.

 

She needed to intervene on Harry and Hermione’s plans for the evening immediately. There was no point in waiting around. It might as well happen tonight. After all, Chance was on her side.

 

————————

 

Hermione groaned as she rolled over, reaching for the duvet to cover her naked body. Instead, her fingers slid across a warm body. A warm, muscular, male body lying next to her. Her eyes shot open, and immediately her head throbbed with pain. Last night’s hangover did not agree with the bright sunlight streaming into the room. Groaning, she pinched her eyes shut and pushed away the thoughts about the sexy stranger next to her. Until he spoke.

 

“Hermione?” he said, voice drowsy with sleep and dangerously familiar. “Are you alright?”

 

The fingers halfway to her temples stilled. With trepidation, Hermione opened her eyes, first one, then the other, and very slowly, she turned over.

 

“Harry?” she whispered. “Why… what—”

 

For the first time in her twenty years, Hermione Granger was unable to get a full sentence out.

 

Harry just lay there and shrugged, answering her unasked question. “It’s okay, right? We’re still friends. It was just a one-off, right?” His emerald eyes watched her closely.

 

Not trusting her voice to work, she nodded. This seemed to satisfy him. As he began to stand up, Hermione felt a blush spreading over her face and she fixed her eyes onto the ceiling, definitely not observing how the muscles of his arse shifted as he bent to collect his clothes.

 

A few moments later, she chanced a glance back at him, and she breathed a sigh of relief as the body parts she had _not_ been watching were covered by his boxer briefs.

 

“Right,” Hermione finally said, sitting up and dragging the duvet up to her chin. “It was just a mistake. Doesn’t mean it has to happen again.”

 

Harry turned and smiled at her as he yanked his jeans up his legs. “Exactly.” He pulled his shirt over his head and leaned over to press a gentle kiss to her cheek.

 

“See you later. Ron’s tonight, remember?”

 

Hermione nodded mechanically. “Ron. Later. Right. I remember. See you.”

 

With a final wave, Harry strolled out of her bedroom. Moments later, she heard the front door snap shut and sunk back against her headboard. Closing her eyes, pieces of memories from the night before came flooding back. Bodies moving in perfect harmony, kissing and touching as if they were always meant to, delirious bliss reverberating through her soul.

 

Brushing it off as a mistake wasn’t a mistake, was it?

 

_It was just a one-off, right?_

 

————————

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Fate screamed, flicking her cigarette in rage against the monitor. After a second she picked it up and dropped it onto the white tiled floor, crushing it with her thigh high stiletto boots, as she stomped furiously through her lair in search of more cigarettes and someone to blame.

 

————

 

“Oh, Merlin,” Chance said, choking on her drink as she, Time, and Death watched Fate scream in agony in her lair. Fate really had a flair for the dramatics. She flung herself out of her chair and onto the floor, tearing at her hair.

 

“We really must be doing a number on her,” Time said, struggling to hold back a fit of giggles. She shut the telly off and returned her attention to her partners in crime.

 

Death threw back another shot and shook his head as the drink burned the back of his throat. “She deserves it. The constant calls...the incessant chatter... the screaming, the blaming, the complaining… I can’t take it anymore.” He shrugged.

 

Chance emptied her glass and set it onto the table. “Absolutely. She deserves every second. Even more so now that she makes all three of us miserable— and not just poor old Death, like she used to.”

 

He put his head in his hands and groaned. “Don’t even get me started. Calling me around the clock, begging me to give Harry a second chance here, a third chance there..., badgering me to spare Hermione, etc., etc. It’s endless. And just because—” he scoffed and imitated in an unflattering, high-pitched tone, _“they are fated to be together!”_

 

“Now, now, don’t be unfair! Now that that Mouldy Voldy is gone, the dying part of it has died down significantly,” Time deadpanned.

 

Chance spluttered into her glass. Death tilted his head to the side acknowledging her point. “She still wants to make sure I don’t take him by mistake though! It’s not my fault that that boy had to go and become an Auror! I swear, the idiot has a death wish.”

 

“Come on,” Chance said, “It’s still nothing compared to what both Time and myself have to endure these days. The phone practically never stops ringing.” Time nodded soberly in agreement with her sister. “When it’s not favours for Harry and Hermione, it’s venting about Harry and Hermione, or new plans for Harry and Hermione, or failed plans for Harry and Hermione. Nothing but Harry and Hermione, Harry and Hermione— around the clock. It needs to stop!”

 

Death considered both of them for a moment. “You know that I am not against messing with Fate to get back at her,” he grinned at the now dark monitor. “But wouldn’t it at this point be easier to just tell her that Harry and Hermione are already together, so she leaves us alone? It’s starting to get a bit exhausting to feed false memories into her Harry-and-Hermione -live-stream,” he suggested, looking from Time to Chance.

 

Chance shrugged noncommittally, while Time wore a conflicted expression. “She would leave us alone, but—”

 

“—But what?” Chance demanded.

 

Time smirked as if she was up to something, which all three of them were, of course. “I’d much rather mess with her for a bit.”

 

Chance’s phone rang interrupting her. “Speak of the devil, it’s Fate.” Time and Death groaned. She smirked at the others and said, “I think we are in agreement then—” before she answered the phone. “Hello?”

 

“Chancy! Oh, thank goodness you answered. It’s Fate.”

 

Chance rolled her eyes. “You know I hate it when you call me that. And I know it’s you; I do have caller ID. Besides, the screech of your voice is unmistakable.”

 

Fate ignored her and launched into a long monologue about how miserable she was because of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

 

“Fate!” Chance yelled over her sister’s voice. “What is the point of you telling me all of this? You called me yesterday and told me the same thing.”

 

“Have you even been listening to me?” Fate said in a shrill voice. “I followed your advice and put them into bed together. All was well until they woke up the next morning and...and—” Fate burst into tears, wailing and sobbing dramatically.

 

Chance looked over at Death and Time who had each poured themselves another round of drinks. She gestured to one and Death fixed her one as well. As he handed the glass to her, she drowned the drink in one gulp. She would need several more, not even close to being drunk enough to deal with this.

 

“What’s happening?” Time whispered, desperate for information.

 

Chance covered the receiver as Fate continued her lamentations. “She just saw the part of the faked stream where Harry and Hermione wake up the next morning and write it off as a mistake,” Chance whispered. “Of course, she hasn’t actually told me that bit yet because she is too busy sobbing uncontrollably.”

 

Death and Time snickered as Chance returned her attention to the phone. The howling and sobbing hadn’t stopped.

 

“Fate! Fate!” Several times, she tried to catch the attention of her hysterical sister. She took a few calming breaths (and a few more sips of her drink) until the crying had died down to a few sniffles. “My goodness. Pull yourself together, it’s embarrassing.”

 

“But—But,” Fate hiccupped.

 

“No buts. I don’t care what is going on, you really need to get a grip. Otherwise, you’re never going to succeed.”

 

Chance looked over at Death and Time who already were half-way through a new bottle of vodka. Death winked while Time gave her a thumbs up. She grinned.

 

“I know, but I need your help. It’s not going as planned,” Fate said in a small voice.

 

“Don’t be stupid, Fate. You just need to try harder. After all, they are fated to be together, isn’t that right?” Chance said, anxious for Fate to take the bait. The other two were barely holding back their laughter. They all were desperate to see what crazy, over-the-top scheme Fate would try next.

 

“I suppose so.” Fate paused. “I just have to try harder,” she repeated.

 

“Precisely.”

 

“Hm… Maybe handcuffs—”

 

“Ohhh, Fate, nooooo, isn’t that a bit much?” Chance said in dramatic disbelief, when actually she thinking _yes, yes, do it, DO IT!_ This was it, Fate would swallow the bait and was about to try something absolutely absurd.

 

Unfortunately, Fate had a sliver of sensibility left. “No, handcuffs wouldn’t work because they could magick themselves out of them. Perhaps we could lock them in Azkaban together; sharing a cell brings two people closer together, doesn’t it? Then again, hmmm, that might be a tad drastic.”

 

“Fate—”

 

But Fate ignored her and continued to prattle on, weighing ridiculous option after ridiculous option. Chance disconnected the call and immediately burst into laughter.

 

“Oh gosh, you guys are going to love this. Fate has some ridiculous ideas. We’ll be glad we didn’t just give in and tell her what we were up to. This is going to be comedy gold. I might even record it so I can watch it over and over again.”

 

Time and Death agreed that it was going to be an entertaining next couple of days.

 

———————

 

Hermione briskly walked down a sidewalk in London on her way to work. Her mind had been on Harry since Saturday morning, especially since they hadn’t talked about what had happened between them. Just as she began to think about Harry, she felt a pull on her abdomen. Before she could stop or realise what was happening, London disappeared, and she reappeared—

 

It was wet.

 

It was warm.

 

And opening her eyes….

 

...it was a shower and in front of her stood a very wet and very naked Harry Potter.

 

With his hands in his hair, soapy shampoo covering his raven locks, he grinned despite the shock of her appearance. “Er, Hermione? Is there a reason you are in my shower and completely clothed?”

 

Hermione groaned and let her head drop against the wall of the shower. A naked Harry Potter with water droplets glistening on his chest was not helpful at all.

 

“It was a mistake. It was a mistake. It was a mistake,” she chanted in her head, although right this moment, she wanted nothing more than to repeat that mistake over and over and over again.

 

Finally, she looked up into his eyes — which should be considered an accomplishment since she actually wanted to look down below the belly.

 

“I don’t know what happened,” she said in a strained voice.  “I was on my way to work when I felt the pull of apparition. I’m innocent, I swear.” She lifted her hands in surrender before she realised her white blouse was completely soaked through. Quickly, she moved her arms to cross over her breasts in an attempt to shield herself— or rather, cover her stiffened nipples straining against the drenched lace of her bra.

 

Harry laughed and without a thought moved her to the side and stepped underneath the stream of water to wash out the shampoo from his hair. Pulling back, he grinned at her.

 

“Well, do you have somewhere to be? Since you’re already here, you might as well join me.”

 

Hermione blushed and seriously contemplated his offer.

 

She bit her lip. “I can’t,” she said, moving toward the sliding door of the shower. “Uhm, work, you know?”

 

Harry nodded at her knowingly. “See you later then?” he asked, as she stepped out and cast a drying charm on herself.

 

“Of course.”

 

And with that, she stiffly walked out of the bathroom and didn’t look back.

 

—————————

 

“Noooo,” Fate screamed in agony, throwing a stack of papers up in the air. “Why didn’t she stay? Why?! It was the perfect plan to get them together, to realise their feelings!”

 

She continued on a rant before pushing away from her desk. Kicking off her stilettos, Fate ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of bourbon, foregoing the glass. It was a “drink straight out of the bottle” kind of night as she tore off the cap and started chugging the amber liquid.

 

—————————

 

“Shouldn’t we tell her? We should probably tell her, right?” Time asked, as they once again watched Fate drowning her sorrows in the fourth bottle of bourbon this week, three empty bottles rolling around under her desk. “It seems dangerous to continue and let her drink as much as she is.”

 

“As much as I hate to admit it, Time is right.”

 

Chance’s mouth dropped open. “I am surprised at you, Death. I thought you were enjoying this.”

 

He shrugged. “I am, but she’s been stuck on these two for ages, and she won’t stop annoying us until she makes it happen. Seems like it would be to all of our benefits to let her know the truth.”

 

Chance sighed dramatically. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll call her.”

 

They waited in silence as Chance made the call. When they reached her, a strangely subdued Fate promised between hiccups to be over as soon as possible.

 

“What is this about?” Fate said, appearing in the fireplace, brushing soot off her clothing. She had been crying, that much was obvious. The puffy, red skin of her cheeks matched with watery eyes was a dead giveaway. Chance felt bad… but only a little.

 

“Er, Death, why don’t you start?”

 

His eyes bulged, and he pointed to himself before looking around in confusion as if someone else was behind him...and also named Death. “Me? Whose blasted idea was this to begin with?”

 

Chance shrugged. “You’re the bluntest. Plus, it will be easier coming from you because both Time and I are related to her.”

 

“For goodness sake,” Death muttered under his breath. “Fine. Time, Chance, and I were tired of hearing of you constantly whine and complain about Harry and Hermione getting together, so we took matters into our own hands.”

 

He crossed his arms and glared at Chance.

 

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” Chance asked, incredulously.

 

“This is your rodeo, man up.” He reached for the bottle of alcohol once more and instead of pouring a shot, drank straight from the bottle.

 

Time stepped in just as Chance opened her mouth, stopping the two from starting a full-blown argument. “Not the time to argue, children.” She paused and looked up at Fate. “We have been feeding false memories into your live stream of Harry and Hermione in an attempt to get back at you for everything you’ve done over the years.”

 

Fate frowned. “Everything I’ve done….what—?”

 

“—You’ve been totally inconsiderate, Fate. Don’t act like you don’t know what we are talking about. I know you’re not stupid...or—”

 

“Especially with me over the years while Harry and Hermione were in school. It was a constant barrage of phone calls begging for this or that,” Death interjected, stopping Chance from calling her sister what they were all thinking — birdbrain, buffoon, nitwit. All words they would surely feel moderately guilty about later if they spoke them aloud.

 

Chance and Time nodded in agreement.

 

Fate collapsed in a chair next to them, looking completely and utterly distressed and destroyed at their admission. Finally, she spoke.

 

“So...so what? This entire time they’ve been together, and you tricked me into thinking they weren’t?” Her voice became shriller the longer she spoke, a testament to how close she was to outright sobbing again.

 

“You have a right to be angry Fate for the way we messed with everything,” Time said. “But we if you’re expecting an apology — don’t. We aren’t sorry.”

 

Fate sniffled a little and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “Harry and Hermione are really together?” Fate asked, her expression hopeful as she looked at the three of them. It was as if she didn’t believe them the first time.

 

They nodded in unison and Fate squealed in excitement. “I can’t even be _that_ mad because finally! When did they get together?”

 

“Ever since they fell into bed that night,” Death said, his voice bored. “They didn’t write it off as a mistake.”

 

Fate jumped up from her seat and grabbed Death out of his chair. She lifted him up from around his waist (mind she was wearing stilettos) and squeezed him hard before dropping him. Where he fell not back into his seat, but onto the floor.

 

Death groaned in pain, but Fate was totally and utterly distracted to notice. “Nitwit,” he mumbled as he crawled off the floor. If she heard him, she played it off.

 

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH!” Fate yelled as she danced a little jig. “Harry and Hermione are together, hey! Harry and Hermione are together, hey!”

 

“Here,” Time said, holding out her hand. “This is what really happened with Harry and Hermione that night you tried to put them into bed together and the events following.” She placed a tape in her hand. It was labelled _HHR_.

 

Fate looked up at her sister and grinned, holding the tape close to her chest. She hurried to the fireplace, eager to watch the tape. Halfway there, she turned.

 

“I might not be mad at you now, but I need you guys to know that once the euphoria of knowing that Harry and Hermione are together and that all my hard work wasn’t wasted wears off, I will be.”

 

With two fingers she motioned to her eyes and then to them. They got the message loud and clear — she was watching them. And they better watch their backs. As she turned back to the fireplace and disappeared in a whisk of green flames, the three left stood in shock.

 

Death spoke first. “Do we want to know what she is going to do to get back at us?”

 

Both Time and Chance shook their heads.

 

“I am a bit nervous,” Time admitted.

 

“Me too,” Chance and Death replied simultaneously.

 

————————

 

“Harry?” she whispered. “Why… what—”

 

For the first time in her twenty years, Hermione Granger was having difficulty forming a sentence, or just words in general.

 

“Why are you in my bed and why—?”

 

“—are we naked?” Harry laughed, finishing her question. “Good question. But I have a pretty good idea about what happened last night.”

 

Hermione blushed.

 

Harry moved closer to her underneath the covers, and he grasped her hips, snuggling his face into the crook of her neck.

 

“Does this bother you?” He asked, his voice muffled.

 

Hermione shook her head, but then remembering that he could no longer see her, she spoke. “No. It doesn’t bother me.”

 

Harry moved and leaned on one elbow, his other hand still firmly attached to her waist. “Why?”

 

She blushed again. “Why does it not bother me?”

 

“You’re a little slow this morning, _Brightest Witch of The Age_.”

 

Hermione rolled her eyes. “You know I hate that nickname.”

 

“I know. But don’t change the subject.”

 

“I don’t know Harry,” Hermione said, burrowing her head in her hands.

 

She was nervous...and embarrassed. At twenty years old, she should not have a fear of admitting feelings. But this was Harry— the Harry that had been hers since the age of eleven. Nothing to be afraid of, right?

 

“I love you, okay?” she mumbled, still refusing to lift her head.

 

“Hermione,” Harry said, his hand leaving her waist.

 

Oh, Merlin, this was it! This is where she got her heart broken. She wanted to hit her head against her bedroom wall for being so bold and getting it thrown back in her face.

 

“Hermione,” Harry repeated, his hands now holding onto hers, attempting to pull them away from her face. “Please look at me. I want to see you went I tell you.”

 

She sighed and lifted up her head. A traitorous little tear fell down her cheek. “Why are you crying?” Harry asked.

 

She just shrugged, trying to pull herself together to hear the inevitable.

 

“Fine, you don’t have to tell me. But I just want to tell you that I love you too, always have.”

 

Hermione’s hands which were on their way back to her face quickly brought them down, and in the process hit Harry in the face. “What? Oh Merlin, Harry! I’m sorry!” She moved to look at his nose, but Harry waved her off.

 

He rubbed his nose and finally, grinned. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Expecting me to say something different?”

 

Hermione nodded, in complete shock at Harry’s revelation..and in more shock that she hadn’t broken his nose.

 

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” Harry repeated. Moving closer, he pulled her in for a kiss. Their first one...well, that they could remember at least.

 

————

 

“Awhhhh,” Fate said aloud to her empty lair, as the screen went dark. She continued to sniffle and dab at her eyes with a tissue. Though unsuccessfully as mascara continued to run down her cheeks.

 

Pressing next on her monitor, Hermione appeared on the screen.

 

——————

 

Hermione briskly walked down a sidewalk in London on her way to work. She hadn’t stopped thinking about Harry since Saturday morning when they had woken up together. And when he had told her he loved her back — oh Merlin, she thought her heart had stopped entirely.

 

Having been up late the night before for work, she and Harry had promised to get lunch today. But the way she was feeling now, she couldn’t wait. Stopping and running into a nearby alley, she spun on the spot, Grimmauld Place, but especially Harry in mind.

 

Magic must have known she wanted to be exactly where he was because that is _exactly_ where she ended up.

 

Next to a very naked Harry Potter who just so happened to be lathering his hair up with shampoo.

 

“Hermione?” Harry laughed. “Why have you apparated into the shower? And fully clothed at that?”

 

“Errr, well magic must have given me a little boost. I had been thinking about you all morning, and when I apparated, I must have been thinking about you a little more than I was the actual destination.”

 

“Well, are you going to join me or not?” Harry asked, moving her to the side to stand under the scalding stream of water.

 

“Already way ahead of you,” Hermione said, unbuttoning her blouse. “Help me?”

 

Harry grinned and pushed her skirt down her legs where it laid sodden with water until she grabbed all of her clothing and tossed them over the top. They landed in a heap outside of the shower door.

 

“Hermione Granger, going to be late to work on a Monday. Who’d thought I’d ever see the day,” he said, pulling her flush against him.

 

“Keep it in your memory, Potter. This won’t happen again,” she said, before wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him down for a kiss.

 

He pulled away. “We’ll see about that...Granger.”

 

—————

 

Fate was again, sobbing uncontrollably as Death, Time, and Chance watched her from afar. But this time, because she was overcome with joy.

 

“Well, you win some, you lose some,” Death said, throwing his feet up and placing his arms behind his head. “And looks like this is a draw.”

 

Chance rolled her eyes, snorting in laughter. “This is far from being over. This war between her and us...it’s only just begun. There will be another couple she is obsessed with next week, trust me.”

 

“I don’t doubt you one bit, but let’s hope it isn’t for the next ten years. I don’t know if I can go through this again.” She paused and frowned. “Maybe we should be planning our next prank already. You know she is already thinking of a way to get back at us,” Time said.

 

“Excellent idea!” Death said, lifting his finger in the air. “I have just the thing.” He pulled out a poster board with a diagram drawn on it.

 

“How long have you been planning this?”

 

Death shrugged. “Just a few centuries. Now, here’s the plan—”

 

_Fin_


End file.
